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Her room is 4 doors down from mine, just one of the things about her that doesn’t make sense.

She’s beautiful

Her soft black hair pours down her head like water, stopping just short of her shoulders.

She never lets it touch her shoulders, though she likes to keep it as long as she can, respectively.

I don’t know why I know this.

She has a bright smile, of nearly perfect teeth.  She’s somewhat short, and her skin is a mild brown, not denoting any specific heritage at first glance.

That’s another thing.  She’s beautiful…but realistic.  Possible.  Not like any other “Dream Girl”

And that’s the one thing about her that, to me, makes her the most beautiful.


Her name is Amy.

Again, I don’t know why I know this.

I sit on her dark, patterned bedspread , the afternoon sun lighting her room.  My back is leaned against the wall and I watch her.

She’s doing something on the computer.  Homework…I think.

I can’t see the screen, and that’s just fine.  My interest in it amounts to how soon til she will be finished with it.

In my hands, I play with a DVD, which we’ll be watching as soon as she’s done.  I don’t know what movie it is.  also strange.

Knowing her, and knowing myself, it’s a comedy though.

The phrase, “knowing her” seems weird to me, but I dismiss it quickly when she says, “Right.  I’m done.”

I get up enthusiastically, and set up the movie.  She finishes up, closing programs and turning off her desktop.  I finish before her and jump back on her bed with the remote, lying down casually.

The ease with which I collapse onto someone else’s bed seems odd.  Even with my friends, I ask before sitting down on theirs, but I just fall onto hers as though it were my own.

It makes sense suddenly as Amy jumps and lands next to me, partially on me.  The pain I feel is as nothing.

She squirms around to better view the small TV sitting on her fridge.  Then raises her open hand, signaling that she would like the remote.  I give it up without a thought, and wrap my arms around her, holding her close.

The movie starts, but I’m not paying attention.  I don’t even hear it in the background.

I’m listening to the sound of her breathing, the scent of her body-wash as it’s slowly being drowned out by her natural aroma.  Enjoying the simple feeling of her body, so close to mine.

I’m immersed in her presence, a smile slowly creeps onto my face.


My eyes open.  The world is blurry, not just because my contact lenses aren’t in.

They close, and open again.  The bright white of the wall blinds me slightly.

I’m lying in bed…

my bed.

It’s morning, not afternoon.  I’m just waking up.

I clench my eyes shut and think to myself, “No! Damnit!  Noooo!”

How many was this?  The third, fourth?  The same dream, the same damn dream!

I’m upset that it was violently ripped away, but much more that it happened in the first place.  That it KEEPS happening.

She’s perfect, and that’s not the problem.  Not by a long shot.

No.

The problem is…she’s not real, she doesn’t exist.  She doesn’t fucking exist!

(I have to somehow convince myself of this.)

I can’t keep doing this.  I just can’t

It hurts too much.  Pining for that which I cannot have.

I turn over and shut my eyes, wanting to cry.

For some reason I don’t understand…I can’t.
:below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below: :below:

READ THE POEM FIRST!!!! THEN READ THE REST OF THIS!!!!

:above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above: :above:


Again! Read the poem before going on!!!!!



Well, I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Poems are always better when they rhyme!

But I felt if I worked on getting the rhyme scheme down, it would have taken away from the feelings that inspired the poem, y'know? This is, more or less, the first draft, nearly unedited. Keeps the “raw” feeling in.

Kay, enough technical stuff.

For like 4 days…nights, I’ve been having the same dream, about this girl I don’t know, and never met. At first, I had no idea what it was about, but I came to realize that, at least in this dream world, she was my girlfriend, maybe something more. Everything I stated in the poem, I derived from the dreams, so they’re true as far as my mind will allow me to believe them to be. (read it again if you didn’t understand it the first time. It makes sense to me.)

I’m always very happy in these dreams, but am very sad when I return to real consciousness again. Not so much cuz it was a good dream that I’m sad not to be dreaming anymore, but that I know that I shouldn’t be torturing myself with these…these fantasies. It wouldn’t be so bad, except that it’s a reasonably realistic fantasy, and one that I want really bad. I don’t know if any one of you has ever experienced something like this before, but it really makes me sad.

After this morning’s dream… or well yesterday morning’s (it’s 1:09 am now) the idea of this poem worked its way into my head, and I wrote it out. I knew I had to post it, just so at least one other person could read it (and I didn‘t really trust anyone in my dorm to take it really seriously, y‘know?). I know that I have some other works I need to get done, but I had to do this real quick, for me.

So please let me know what you think. (kn1ghtmar3, I’m particularly interested in what you have to say.) Let me know if you think it coulda been improved or anything too, but I want more genuine comments as opposed to technique comments, y’know? And if you didn‘t understand something, please ask.
Thanks!
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:icontigerlilytessa:
tigerlilytessa Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2009   Writer
wow.. thats so sad... i can really feel all your emotions in this..
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2009
This is probably the one I am most proud of. It's so real (because it is) and it had a lot of emotion in it.
Y'know, if it weren't for this poem, I may have forgotten about the dream a long time ago.
Reply
:icontigerlilytessa:
tigerlilytessa Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2009   Writer
sometimes dreams are best left forgotten ya know?
but on the other hand, you cant forget them if you havent moved on yet.
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2009
I can definitely understand that, but at the same time, I don't think I WANT to forget.
Reply
:icontooncouplefanatic:
Tooncouplefanatic Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Interesting...I think I know how you feel ?:(
Reply
:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009
Really? Had a dream like that yourself?
Reply
:icontooncouplefanatic:
Tooncouplefanatic Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
No, but I've already created my soul mate in my mind, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't exist, cause he's entirely made up. And even if he does, I'm deathly afraid of commitment ^^;
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009
Awww...:hug:
Wow, really? That makes things tough.
Reply
:icontooncouplefanatic:
Tooncouplefanatic Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
It does. Half the time I'm like "Screw love" and the other half, it's like "F*CK, I'M LONELY! :ohnoes:"
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009
I'm just like that.
Which is why my last breakup was so weird cos after all the issues and baggage and stuff, I was still in the mood for a relationship (which of course didn't happen, so it didn't matter).
Reply
:icontooncouplefanatic:
Tooncouplefanatic Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I don't often feel like I'm in the mood for love, but when I do, it's very depressing :(
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2009
Yeah. OH! and get this *slightly angry tone* This cute girl just sat down near me in the computer lab (in school).

I don't mean like "hot", just REALLY cute. I feel like talkin' to her, but I don't wanna come off creepy. :crying:
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(1 Reply)
:iconpikarai:
pikarai Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i thought she was real; i thought she was your girlfriend; until you wake up.

this seems to me like something between a poem and a stream-of-thought piece of writing, not sure what you'd call that. i think it could be just as effective in longer phrases, but i'm not so much a writer.

that's scary, man. once i dreamed of a completely fictional boy with dirty blonde hair shading his face, blue/green eyes, shorter than me, who leaned up to kiss me on the lips and then i woke up. not much to go by...you must have good dreams.
Reply
:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2008
Awww, thanks. This is still my favorite poem I've ever done.

Heh, thanks. But the whole vagueness of it didn't throw you off?

Yeah yeah, even though I prefer poems that rhyme, I just never was able to make em good that way. So I just kinda try to make rhythmic thoughts flow together. It's the only way I can make my thoughts and ideas sound good together. Plus, I've always thought peoples' thought processes were somewhat poetic in and of themselves.

Awww...that's kinda a strange coincidence. I'm sorry. *hug*
Heh, I like to think I have good dreams, but I only remember about 5% of them. As soon as I wake up...POOF they're gone!

Thanks for your review, it was really nice to hear from you!
Reply
:iconamariec:
AmarieC Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2007
:wow: Your little piece of work there, is just sad. It is said so simple, it leaves no room for artificiality. I wasn't quite sure what this was supposed to be, but as you go on you see more and more of what you mean by this whole piece, you read through the poem as you have lived through the dream, finally coming to realize that this 'girl' is not real.

My condolences man.

Oh yeah, and by the way: hi. B-)
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2007
ha! Hi yourself!

Yeah, this was a sad one. You read the Artists Comments right? It's very important that you do that.

I like how I wrote it to seem as much like the actual dream as possible. Hence the vagueness and all. This was during one of my "downs" (as in Life having Ups and Downs). Thankyou so much for the comment!
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:iconhurtdead14:
hurtdead14 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2007   Writer
I'm sorry, I am just now reading this. I love it. Now, please, go read my new poem. It comes straight from my heart and I need to know if you can feel what I feel when you read it.
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2007
Oh you hadn't read this one yet? Yeah, I'm most proud of this one, and still a little freaked out by it...still waiting for Amy (The wierdest thing is that there is a girl fitting this description and her name is Amy, but she's definately not girlfriend material. Ah well.)

I'm so sorry, which poem are you referring to? I want to be sure I'm reading the correct one.
Reply
:iconmadxbird:
MadxBird Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2007
Awesome poem!
It's cute, and sad, and... Damn, I could go on with adjectives, but I won't ^^
-pats your head- Aw, poor thing. That would suck, to realize she's not real...

Random Moment-destroying Fact:
The only reoccuring dream I've ever had was when I was running up a massive flight of stairs. They never ended O_O
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2007
No no, please go on. I rarely receive any reviews, so I have to savor the ones I get. Please go on. I really am most proud of this one, and so any criticism of any kind is amazingly appreciated.

Oh I knew she wasn't real, but I wasn't my conscious self in my dreams, so I didn't think about it, I just went along with the motions y'know? It was just so nice anyway, I didn't even know it was a dream. By the time I had the dream the 2nd time, I knew she wasn't real. This poem was written, edited and posted within 20 hours of waking up from the third time I had had the dream. It was really saddening and made me think I was crazy or something. I was really distraught over it, y'know?

Creepy stairs dreams huh? Sounds interesting. See, the weird thing is I almost never remember my dreams, but I remembered these so vividly. Try reading the other comments from other people, they seem to think it was interesting too.
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:iconinukitkat:
InuKitKat Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2007
I love it, I absolutly love it's sweet and sad and absolutly romantic u rock!!!
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2007
Why, thank you. This is my favorite piece, and it's something that really happened. I haven't had any of those dreams since, but I kinda wish I still did. Regardless of the sadness I feel after, those dreams were some of the nicest I have.

*sigh*

Well, that's life (mine anyway).

Very VERY glad you liked it. It's not often I'm struck with inspiration for poetry, but the few times I write out a good one...well, it's nice to know that someone out there has read it too.

Many thanks!
Reply
:iconkbrandt:
kbrandt Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2006
Alright, I had to re-read it a few times... I like this, there's some touch in it similiar to what i particulrly liked in your "Dorabella" story - the cool ending. Because you're going on with normal realistic descriptions and just in the moment I started to think it's getting a bit boring and then comes the big bang, "she doesn't exist!" It's my fave moment here, I could almost hear you shout it out really loud...
All in all, it's a more than decent piece, perfectly making sense altogether. And I like the mixture of prose (long descriptive passages) and poetry (in form). :)
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2006
Many thanks.

Actually this is just a poem that I felt I needed to write. THe events are true, and have been pretty troubling. Although since I wrote this down, I havent had the dream, so I don't know.

Thanks.
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:iconkbrandt:
kbrandt Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2006
No problem. :) Straight out of the guts, huh? It's always the best. I'm glad this trouble - if you can call it this way - is over. But, hey, aren't you studying psychology, don't you know what it could mean?
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2006
Well I suppose. You should read 's comment on it.
Reply
:iconkn1ghtmar3:
kn1ghtmar3 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2006
Dude, honestly, this is phenomenal... Just how in depth and how much passion you put into this. I have a question, do you take this dream at face value, or do you think its something else? Like oh, you're going crazy(ier) [but probably not] but almost like a divinity sorta thing?? like this is a foreshadowing of what is yet to come?

Hope I'm not "overanalyzing" that, lol.
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2006
Dude, Thank You!

I knew if there was anyone who might understand this poem, it'd be you.

Well the thing is, I just had to write this poem after the 3d time (or whichever number it was, truth be told, these were the last dreams I can remember having. I don't remember my dreams, and when I do, it's a special occasion, y'know?)

THe problem with it, is...it's so damn vivid. even the dreams I DO remember are sorta blury, this one wasn't.

I'd like to think that it is some sorta foreshadowing, but I can't help but think that I might be going crazy. Not just cuz those are the things you mentioned, I've thought about them alot myself.

It's so fuckin strange! I know these things about her, but I can't remember (in the dream) ever finding out these things. Her name, her little ideosyncrasis. And also, theres the fact that she doesn't really fit any of my normal conditions (That's the word I want, I think.)

I usually like girls who have red hair, and glasses. Short girls are the other thing, but I remember Amy being short. So the whole thing is really freakin me out.

Another thing that weirds me out is how, there aren't any sexual undertones in this dream. Nothing blatant anyways. Just normal bf/gf stuff.

<sigh> I'm just gonna keep worrying about it if I keep thinking about it, so I'll stop for now. Thanks so much for reading and more so for responding.

Let me know if there's anything else you wanna know.


One more stragne thing, I will mention. I haven't had that dream since writing this poem. Though I don't remember what, if anything, I dreampt of so...?
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:iconkn1ghtmar3:
kn1ghtmar3 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2006
Dude, you should go see a psycic or something... lol...

I don't know, this reminds me of some Greek story that has some deep, ironic moral at the end of it, or something.

I definitly admired this though, and another thing you probably don't want is to set yourself up. Chasing a figment of your imagination? How not fun.

And I get how you have the whole "not remember dreams" like even if i know I'm having them, I'll wake up, and they'll fade away...
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:iconnintendiehard:
nintendiehard Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2006
Yeah, that's the last thing I wanna do.

Damn life sux. I should just end it. but now I'm wondering if I'll actually meet someone named Amy. Weird how the world can be,

Thanks man.
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